My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
