Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
