my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize