Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
