Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
