she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
