Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize