I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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