I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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