nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
