Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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