Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
