did you get engaged???
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
