I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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