Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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