Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
