After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
