sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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