batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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