We won't sleep together?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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