My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
