there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
