just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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