he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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