Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
