I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
