If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
