Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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