Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
