I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
