You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
