I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't turn off my feet"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I believe in your delicious
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
