meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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