i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We are all done wearing pants today
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
