Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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