Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
