he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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