hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
