he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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