I look better un-naked...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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