As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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