I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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