Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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