Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize