when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
