I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
