You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
