Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
