i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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