Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
