New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
