i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
organizing the empties. That sober.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
