last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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