You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
