There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
