I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
