i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
