I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize