omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
