You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
