first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
