i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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