Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Who died my cat blue again?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
