I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am mentally ready for anal.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
