dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize