just tell him i said nine months
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
this will be a night to untag.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize