I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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