if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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