I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
