I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
