We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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