Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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