yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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