can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
